(The following started as a quick share for a newsletter but turned into a short story just for a little fun. )
Last week I accidentally discovered a sure fire way to motivate me to get to the office early.
And it starts by telling you I've had some pretty stable relationships with beds so far in my life. Yes. Beds.
No matter how many couches, futons, or hammocks I sleep with I usually have a steady relationship with a single bed on a regular basis - well not single in that sense. I mean I usually make it a couple - I mean double - with the ones I go for. Some have pairings have even lasted for years.
My day to day schedule can vary but I usually try to commit a solid 7 hours to my bae/bed each night (it used to be 10 hours in the early years of university - I could sleep FOR HOURS back then).
As more things are demanding my attention these days we've experimented partnering up with other objects to make sure things stay balanced in our relationship. Since then it has been a challenge to figure out what to bring into our circle of trust. Night lights and extra pillows have been tried. Even getting a little freaky with a pizza box and some ranch dip...oh wait, that might have just been some bedroom porn I saw once...moving on.
So far my mobile phone has taken that spot in our new threesome where many other objects just couldn't fulfil my sleep cycle needs (sorry other alarms, it wasn't you, it was me).
Since then my bed has been a bit jealous of the attention I show my phone sometimes but ultimately it knows that Ash needs to get up and do stuff, and as long as I can get it done I'm going to keep coming back each night.
I usually have a few words with both of them each night and we compromise between time spent with my bed and when my phone is going to insist I wake up in the morning. This conversation changes so often that I set a new time each night as a little ritual. ("Okay bed I'll be there by midnight, but phone is going to want me up by seven")
Last week we were about to take our three way one step further and thought I would try the new "sleep" feature on my phone.
Instead of setting a new alarm each night, it would automatically go off at the same time each morning as a new trust exercise (good relationships are built on trust - remember that).
Which is all fine and everything but as anyone who uses something other than a bedside alarm clock knows...your phone has this habit of travelling with you...almost everywhere.
Like the office...
Sometimes when I'm at my office I have a bit of me-time by putting the phone in the desk drawer so I can focus at the task at hand without it seducing me in the middle of work.
But it just so happens this particular evening I didn't think to take it out of the drawer until it was too late and I was already halfway out the office door to leave.
Yup. I wasn't even back at home yet when I realized I forgot my phone at my desk. I could have gone back BUT - and here's the big BUT - I had already said "goodbye" and "have a great evening!" to my three remaining coworkers AND WE KNOW THERE'S NO GOING BACK FROM THAT.
Ah. It was okay. People lived without phones at one point, right? I could do this. So I continued home happy to make the most of a phone-less evening and to tell my bed that it would just be the two of us that night.
And as we embraced each other and I snuggled up close to enjoy our alone time, distraction free.
7 glorious hours later I woke with the sun peeping through the blinds and felt a little bit of satisfaction. Flexible working hours meant I could take a couple extra minutes this morning. Feeling good.
Although it was short lived when of all the things I could have started the day with my brain took care to greet me with one little detail.
On my phone.
It was going to go off.
Not beside my bed.
At my desk.
In an open plan office.
Right within earshot of everyone.
At full volume.
In 30 minutes.
Oh, and all the directors happened to be in for an early meeting today.
Double crap. 💩 💩
So instead of the lie in I had planned for the morning, I instigated Operation Alarm Silencer.
Scrambling to get ready I proceeded to the office at twice the normal pace to stop my phone from disrupting the work of all the early risers and prepare for action movie level bomb diffusal. As the local church sounded the first top of the hour bell ("local church" - that's European cities for yah) I burst through the door of the office and with a quick nod to everyone who glanced up at me, marched over to my desk.
I pull the door handle and...locked. A electric tingle goes through my spine and I reach in my pocket for my keys. Not there. *Gasp* where's my keys? Oh, right, other pocket.
I insert the keys and I can feel the vibration of the impending telling off I was about to get ("And where do you think you were last night leaving me all alone here?!"). Masked by the noise of the drawer opening in one motion I simultaneously pulled the handle with one hand and pressed the snooze button with the other.
Mission completed. *Phew*
Damage report: One funny look from Mark. Everyone else seems to be unaware of the catastrophe that was just prevented. Excellent work Agent Ash.
Well. That's one way to make it in the office on time.
Lesson learned: Don't bring those new features to the bedroom and your relationships unless you're ready to face the consequences the morning after. 😛